thedailywhat:

Everybody’s A Critic of the Day: A 36-year-old woman attempting to add a touch of postmodernism to Clyfford Still’s abstract expressionist artwork is said to have caused $10,000 worth of damage to “1957-J no.2” (above) after she scratched and punched the oil-on-canvas painting, and rubbed it on her butt.

According to Denver District Attorney’s Office spokeswoman, Carmen Tisch urinated after soiling the piece with her backside, but “[i]t doesn’t appear she urinated on the painting or that the urine damaged it.” The 9-1/2-feet tall and 13-feet wide painting is valued at $30 million.

Tisch, who was arrested and charged with felony criminal mischief, is currently being held on $20,000 bond.

Artwork by Still, an influential post-WW2-era artist, is on display at his namesake museum, which recently opened in Denver. Many of the pieces were recently unveiled for the first time.

[reuters via yahoo / mugshot: denverpost.]

Yikes, I didn’t think they’d catch me.

Work No. 328: A sheet of paper folded and unfolded

Martin Creed

Work No. 327: A sheet of paper crumpled up and flattened out

Martin Creed

God Dammit, Martin Creed.

Easy Table

Jerszy Seymour

Are the two stools doin’ it? Is it a subtle commentary on modern race relations? Is it just a bunch of pictures of freaking stools?

You decide!

Hairspray

Adam Shankman

So, whenever I browse the MoMa online gallery, I always notice all of these stills from films. My initial reaction is “WTF WHY IS JOHN TRAVOLTA IN A FAT SUIT IN THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART” (hold on, that’s actually not a bad idea, brb copyrighting)

Untitled, from Nations

Slavs and Tatars (founded 2005), PlaatsMaken, Arnhem and The Netherlands

Am I the only one who finds this kind of offensive?

Untitled

David Hammons

David really wants that coveted spot on the Arts & Crafts Wall of Fame at Camp WannaHockaLoogie.

Spoonerism

Franz West

I think Franz West couldn’t figure out what to present as his new collection, so he robbed three homeless people on his way to the museum.  Franz, give the poor people their stuff back. Also, Zoolander did it first.

Untitled (Rock Head)

David Hammons

“Rock and found hair mounted on pedestal”

The jig is up. We all know what “found hair” means, Hammons. The only “finding” you did was collecting clippings from your nether region trimming sessions. YEAH I SAID IT.

Also, that’s disgusting.

Crawl

Judith Shea

“The hollow interior and low placement of Crawl, which takes its name from the swimming stroke, invite the viewer to imagine a swimmer within the bathing suit, and according to the artist’s instructions, the pedestal on which Crawl lies is large enough to accommodate the body of the theoretical swimmer. With this work, Shea alludes to the centurieslong tradition of heroic bronze sculpture, but subverts it by suggesting the figure’s absence and positioning the work horizontally. “

I am throwing down the gauntlet, Judith Shea. You get up there, put on that bronze bathing suit and start swimming. I’ll fill the room with water and we’ll see who is subverting heroic bronze sculptures THEN.

A200 AJUT

Jackie Ferrara

Jenga called, they want you to get a life or give them a royalties check. Also, pick a better/real name for your piece.